The All-American Rejects: It Ends Tonight
-
Checkmate!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
suddenly momentarily paused for a moment, thought for awhile and just felt so damn appreciative of all the people around me. dont ask me why, because even me myself i dont know why so. i just feel that way, such that i wish i could blog a small little comment or note about every single person who has affected me in my life one way or another, shared a moment be it crazy or solemn in one way or another. but i know i cant, because there is simply too much people to be said about. i shall just thank them, until maybe one day if i have really too much time i will spendit writing a small note to every single one person.
to all these tpjcians :
in no particular order whatsoever
geraldine nigel yangzhi kaili dannel paul william teckwei yingxuan belinda melly dixie valerie clement chuanting pak gerald all the soccerboys suzhen prem evelyn baosheng rongsheng nyuk zq jx miguel gideon ht jasp dan all the s32 people xinyi favian william junyan and they say save the best for the last, haha rachellian.
all whom are great chillers, some whom are great motivators, some whom are just fantastic, one whom is awesome and just fabulously good at being a gocrazy partner and a few who will just take the trouble to make you smile and cheer you up.
i want to thank every single one of you for the times together, or for some of you taken the trouble to cheer me up, i really appreciate it and i can say all of you can make anyone's day anyday. i believe it is really greatly appreciated, thank you. : )
of course, how can i forget. deeply etched in my mind,
to all in the tpg:
abel aloy jianmin sy pin sy sam zw john dan hhl james don gong poksam sidz as
you all are probably the best bunch of bros there is on earth and i think you guys are the best friends i have and will ever make. thanks for most of the childhood memories and the great times we have spent just chilling out without having to worry about the real world outside. thanks for bringing me back to reality in times of need and constantly reminding me of what is important to us at this moment and striving me to work towards it. without you guys, what would life be ?
lastly, to all the remaining dunmanians
especially all the TWOC people excellent class of the decade buddy you rock chill soon okay and also some other fellow dhs people,
thank you im sure it is my pleasure to have made friends with many of you.
for all those moments/times we share, for all the troubles we bear, for all the happiness and joy we spread, thank you to each and every one of you. i really appreciate it.
phew. im finally done. dont know why, i just realised that it really really sucks to feel not appreciated. i also dontknow why will suddenly think of that, but we should all start to appreciate things we have and think about others who are alot much worst off than us. everybody lets start to appreciate things. wow i can be quite random huh. aha
takecareall
to all these tpjcians :
in no particular order whatsoever
geraldine nigel yangzhi kaili dannel paul william teckwei yingxuan belinda melly dixie valerie clement chuanting pak gerald all the soccerboys suzhen prem evelyn baosheng rongsheng nyuk zq jx miguel gideon ht jasp dan all the s32 people xinyi favian william junyan and they say save the best for the last, haha rachellian.
all whom are great chillers, some whom are great motivators, some whom are just fantastic, one whom is awesome and just fabulously good at being a gocrazy partner and a few who will just take the trouble to make you smile and cheer you up.
i want to thank every single one of you for the times together, or for some of you taken the trouble to cheer me up, i really appreciate it and i can say all of you can make anyone's day anyday. i believe it is really greatly appreciated, thank you. : )
of course, how can i forget. deeply etched in my mind,
to all in the tpg:
abel aloy jianmin sy pin sy sam zw john dan hhl james don gong poksam sidz as
you all are probably the best bunch of bros there is on earth and i think you guys are the best friends i have and will ever make. thanks for most of the childhood memories and the great times we have spent just chilling out without having to worry about the real world outside. thanks for bringing me back to reality in times of need and constantly reminding me of what is important to us at this moment and striving me to work towards it. without you guys, what would life be ?
lastly, to all the remaining dunmanians
especially all the TWOC people excellent class of the decade buddy you rock chill soon okay and also some other fellow dhs people,
thank you im sure it is my pleasure to have made friends with many of you.
for all those moments/times we share, for all the troubles we bear, for all the happiness and joy we spread, thank you to each and every one of you. i really appreciate it.
phew. im finally done. dont know why, i just realised that it really really sucks to feel not appreciated. i also dontknow why will suddenly think of that, but we should all start to appreciate things we have and think about others who are alot much worst off than us. everybody lets start to appreciate things. wow i can be quite random huh. aha
takecareall
Thursday, October 26, 2006
hey.
-so i guess most people would have known, im going to retain. okay i should put it nicerly, i am going to repeat ANOTHER year. everyone's asking me to appeal with my background but i doubt it will work la, so what if your secondary school is damn good yr grades are like crap too anyway. and besides, if everyone else appeals the principal no need retire already la. you should stand up for what you have done and bear your own consequences what, its really my fault anyway. am not and will not blame anyone or anything, even though im very urged to look back regret and complain aagain. so i guess i will have a talk with the principal again but i doubt anything will materialise bcause its already just like that. accept reality and stop living in denial. repeat a year then repeat loh, what can i do? i mean, like its beyond me now what. it just depends on how i take the next year. if i dont learn from this costly lesson i can screw myself and really godie. thus, its all about whether you take it well in your stride isn it?
-anyway abel chill ya, will always be there for you. im sure the whole tpg will too. relax man, im here with you. at least you retain in a goodschool i believe you will do it next year. like i always hear you say, you dont need to make it really big in school to make it big in life, i believe you will make it big in life definitely. chill man. call me for anything bro.
-apparently some people shall not name who sabo me and submitted my name to mycoach who was in charge of odac as well and ask him ask me go for odac overseas trip. i think it'll be fun. but i cant make it ar, going overseas and besides, im screwing up my studies thus it gives me another reason not to go for it all in all. recently talked alot to him, he told me my attitude was good and all, willing to learn doesn give teachers trouble and i guess he sorts of rates me highly not because im good or skilled but actually because i listen and things like that ey. he that day said until like my grades in class were awesome or something, yes my grades are really awesome anyway, awesomely bad. thus i was quite shocked that he thinks of me this way. these few days he called me quite alot, and then today he found out i was going to repeat. told me things like it would definitely be a setback, i must treat it like an obstacle to overcome myself and things like that. he even said i looked very studious and smart ( HAHA ) and i was one of the last few in the soccer team he would expect to retain. upon hearing this i was really quite shocked, because i started to think yet again. shall talk about this later. anyway ya then he told me he hoped that he does not hear that i want to quit soccer or stuff like that because of my grades and blame soccer or use soccer as an excuse or what parents want me to quit soccer or stuff like that. cmon man. i will not push the blame la if i cant even face the consequences of what i do then who am i to even face others. but i actually felt quite good when he told me he did not want to hear from me saying i want to quit or any possibility of it at all, its actually quite funny. but because it shows he wants to keep me and that will spur me to train harder i hope. but, tiring lah. tsk.
anyway been hearing stuff in school like, you dont look like the kind of person that will retain leh, like you look quite hardworking what. quite smart what. i dont think it makes me feel better at all, afterall, i have retained. i AM stupid lah.
-im going overseas. maybe first two weeks of december i think. for holiday only i hope. going thailand/tibet(forwhat??)/korea/australia then maybe come back to singapore. i hope i get to come back to singapore. HAHA i will la i will. tsk, i dont think i wanna talk about this. i predict i will talk about this soon though. major battle to fight, because after all i dont think i wanna go to australia to study. but after all all all i retain. WHAT CAN I DO. fight lor. i really hope my parents dont just straightaway send me to study there overseas ill just die there. but i guess it doesnt really make a difference. lets just see what happens. singaporeeeeeeee so many reasons to make me stay and so many reasons want me to stay. tsk
wlao i wanna go out play chill go chalet go party this holiday but so many events taking up my time. yawn
-lastly , what i want to say is that, truthfully and honestly, im not alright. and there's really nothing noone can do. i feel outright down, and thinking back about what i have done i feel totally pathetic. i think about how many people there are in the school , how many people repeat, and i look at myself, my past and the things i could have done to make my life so much easier, the regrets that i have, the things i should have done. i really feel pathetic and damn -. its like, there's this feeling inside me, i cant describe me its strangling me slowly inside and there is this thing inside me that makes me feel like ripping myself apart, really. i feel troubled/vexed/screwed up totally. and sometimes i put on a smile on my face to rid myself of these frustrations but i know these things can never be rid of properly, i distract myself by trying to smile. because i feel that if you emo you are jusst making other people's lifes more miserable right. whats that for. but sometimes there's this point when you cant force yourself to put on a smile. when i sleep in the afternoon its actually to make myself sleep so that i wont think so that i wont be sad you know. but i wonder if i actually cried in my sleep because you wont know what you do when you're sleeping what right, technically. you're unconscious. i wonder if i think when i sleep. because i dont want to!
that why i say you cant think, its bad. but i cant help myself, i feel so damn helpless. really. havent been hit so hard for a long time already. sometimes i see the people in school then i think of the situation i land myself in now and then i think about secondary school and then primary school and then its all so saddening! because everything's linked really. if only i could keep my state of mind interests hobbies character personality looks friends family LIFE such that nothing changes just that i didn go to dunman but RI and then RJC. everything would be so much better. ya right. good dream there. impossible because these friends events that happen to you accumulate while you are growing up right. why am i saying all these. no link at all.
what i wanted to say actually cant be said. its this you-know-you-got-screwed-up feeling inside me that makes me feel damn bad and sad, its weird because its like suffocating me inside i wanna tear myself apart. sister cousins saveee me. my mum wont scold me, just nag, but you dont understand that its this that makes you feel bad
how do you say something you want to say but dont know how
its a feeeling!
now i know, attitude is a small thing that makes a BIG difference
-so i guess most people would have known, im going to retain. okay i should put it nicerly, i am going to repeat ANOTHER year. everyone's asking me to appeal with my background but i doubt it will work la, so what if your secondary school is damn good yr grades are like crap too anyway. and besides, if everyone else appeals the principal no need retire already la. you should stand up for what you have done and bear your own consequences what, its really my fault anyway. am not and will not blame anyone or anything, even though im very urged to look back regret and complain aagain. so i guess i will have a talk with the principal again but i doubt anything will materialise bcause its already just like that. accept reality and stop living in denial. repeat a year then repeat loh, what can i do? i mean, like its beyond me now what. it just depends on how i take the next year. if i dont learn from this costly lesson i can screw myself and really godie. thus, its all about whether you take it well in your stride isn it?
-anyway abel chill ya, will always be there for you. im sure the whole tpg will too. relax man, im here with you. at least you retain in a goodschool i believe you will do it next year. like i always hear you say, you dont need to make it really big in school to make it big in life, i believe you will make it big in life definitely. chill man. call me for anything bro.
-apparently some people shall not name who sabo me and submitted my name to mycoach who was in charge of odac as well and ask him ask me go for odac overseas trip. i think it'll be fun. but i cant make it ar, going overseas and besides, im screwing up my studies thus it gives me another reason not to go for it all in all. recently talked alot to him, he told me my attitude was good and all, willing to learn doesn give teachers trouble and i guess he sorts of rates me highly not because im good or skilled but actually because i listen and things like that ey. he that day said until like my grades in class were awesome or something, yes my grades are really awesome anyway, awesomely bad. thus i was quite shocked that he thinks of me this way. these few days he called me quite alot, and then today he found out i was going to repeat. told me things like it would definitely be a setback, i must treat it like an obstacle to overcome myself and things like that. he even said i looked very studious and smart ( HAHA ) and i was one of the last few in the soccer team he would expect to retain. upon hearing this i was really quite shocked, because i started to think yet again. shall talk about this later. anyway ya then he told me he hoped that he does not hear that i want to quit soccer or stuff like that because of my grades and blame soccer or use soccer as an excuse or what parents want me to quit soccer or stuff like that. cmon man. i will not push the blame la if i cant even face the consequences of what i do then who am i to even face others. but i actually felt quite good when he told me he did not want to hear from me saying i want to quit or any possibility of it at all, its actually quite funny. but because it shows he wants to keep me and that will spur me to train harder i hope. but, tiring lah. tsk.
anyway been hearing stuff in school like, you dont look like the kind of person that will retain leh, like you look quite hardworking what. quite smart what. i dont think it makes me feel better at all, afterall, i have retained. i AM stupid lah.
-im going overseas. maybe first two weeks of december i think. for holiday only i hope. going thailand/tibet(forwhat??)/korea/australia then maybe come back to singapore. i hope i get to come back to singapore. HAHA i will la i will. tsk, i dont think i wanna talk about this. i predict i will talk about this soon though. major battle to fight, because after all i dont think i wanna go to australia to study. but after all all all i retain. WHAT CAN I DO. fight lor. i really hope my parents dont just straightaway send me to study there overseas ill just die there. but i guess it doesnt really make a difference. lets just see what happens. singaporeeeeeeee so many reasons to make me stay and so many reasons want me to stay. tsk
wlao i wanna go out play chill go chalet go party this holiday but so many events taking up my time. yawn
-lastly , what i want to say is that, truthfully and honestly, im not alright. and there's really nothing noone can do. i feel outright down, and thinking back about what i have done i feel totally pathetic. i think about how many people there are in the school , how many people repeat, and i look at myself, my past and the things i could have done to make my life so much easier, the regrets that i have, the things i should have done. i really feel pathetic and damn -. its like, there's this feeling inside me, i cant describe me its strangling me slowly inside and there is this thing inside me that makes me feel like ripping myself apart, really. i feel troubled/vexed/screwed up totally. and sometimes i put on a smile on my face to rid myself of these frustrations but i know these things can never be rid of properly, i distract myself by trying to smile. because i feel that if you emo you are jusst making other people's lifes more miserable right. whats that for. but sometimes there's this point when you cant force yourself to put on a smile. when i sleep in the afternoon its actually to make myself sleep so that i wont think so that i wont be sad you know. but i wonder if i actually cried in my sleep because you wont know what you do when you're sleeping what right, technically. you're unconscious. i wonder if i think when i sleep. because i dont want to!
that why i say you cant think, its bad. but i cant help myself, i feel so damn helpless. really. havent been hit so hard for a long time already. sometimes i see the people in school then i think of the situation i land myself in now and then i think about secondary school and then primary school and then its all so saddening! because everything's linked really. if only i could keep my state of mind interests hobbies character personality looks friends family LIFE such that nothing changes just that i didn go to dunman but RI and then RJC. everything would be so much better. ya right. good dream there. impossible because these friends events that happen to you accumulate while you are growing up right. why am i saying all these. no link at all.
what i wanted to say actually cant be said. its this you-know-you-got-screwed-up feeling inside me that makes me feel damn bad and sad, its weird because its like suffocating me inside i wanna tear myself apart. sister cousins saveee me. my mum wont scold me, just nag, but you dont understand that its this that makes you feel bad
how do you say something you want to say but dont know how
its a feeeling!
now i know, attitude is a small thing that makes a BIG difference
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
my sister came back to stay. how relieving can that get, well at least now my family's living together as a whole again. aha
anyway, will be going overseas. not sure when. for now will just be pw, studying chinese and train hard for soccer. i think i will know about my fate tomorrow no point worrying about it because there is nothing i can do.
honestly, i am so confused. so many things in my mind. do i need that one year, it brings me alot of new opportunities and things to be done but on the other hand i have to waste time yet again. what the hell man. i dont want to be one year behind but yet i dont want to go up there and screw up my exams again. i dontknow i dontknow i dontknow I DONTKNOW.
i swear if there was an easy way out i would take it.
so many things to say but so tired to say them.
takecare all enjoy holidays.
anyway, will be going overseas. not sure when. for now will just be pw, studying chinese and train hard for soccer. i think i will know about my fate tomorrow no point worrying about it because there is nothing i can do.
honestly, i am so confused. so many things in my mind. do i need that one year, it brings me alot of new opportunities and things to be done but on the other hand i have to waste time yet again. what the hell man. i dont want to be one year behind but yet i dont want to go up there and screw up my exams again. i dontknow i dontknow i dontknow I DONTKNOW.
i swear if there was an easy way out i would take it.
so many things to say but so tired to say them.
takecare all enjoy holidays.
KIMKEAT!
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