Checkmate!

i know you're going to read this. i know.
so , i can choose to ask you to stand tall, stand strong, time will heal the pain and all,
or choose to applaude you for facing your problem head on,
and as much as you know what you did was going to cause you pain, you still did it.
was it inevitable? probably.

might be just another friend, but with all the time spent and knowing you, i have learnt that i cannot tell you, eh dont emo lah. cause it doesnt help. i understand how you felt when you had to dealt with the problem, because there would come a point of time where you would stand alone at home having to answer all the questions shot at you. when nobody supports you and you just feel like giving up, in my case sometimes its similar as well.

i dont want to say so much.
i cant say out what i want to say, because i dont know how to.

i guess all i want to say is,
dont think so much lah, stand strong,
i dont mind going with you to the airport even if its 9pm at night,
i dont mind buying chocolates even if i have to go to the airport during school time,

just, smile. =)

so many people are affected, because they care, right?
now i understand what you meant the other time, when you said you didn wanna bother, but you had to care.
we'll be here, no worries.
takecare

posted by KIMKEAT @ 6:30 AM

imagine :
one day i wake up, with no memories of anything whatsoever.
so my mum wakes me up at 6 and asks me to go. and then ill be like what the, and she'll say go to school. and then ill be like what school? she forces me to get down to tpjc where ill be super blur whatever, and i walk into school. but dont recognise anyone, dont remember i had a soulmate ( =X) , dont remember im part of the soccer team, dont remember i had to go for training, and dont remember what classes are. super weird right. like forgetting everything.
but. at least i dont have to remember i was once acquainted with you and i lost you just like any other guy did. the fear, of losing - anyday, anytime, anyhow.

hahah super random thoughts. whoa i tell you i just ran la. but not alot. i ran. but why is it so worth me mentioning? because the clock says 4:24AM.
like whoa.
i ran past ber's house la, the neighbourhood was so quiet i swear if you sscreamed they would have thought a bomb was coming. okay i dont see any link at all.

the happier i am now, the further i continue walking in now,
the more disappointment i would get?

i dont know what to do, i dont know what you want.
tell me.
and ill make damn sure.

make you smile,
done.

posted by KIMKEAT @ 10:48 AM

i can assure you, my mind's in a total mess now. and it wont get better for quite some time to come. what i feel is that this need not become so complicated, this is really affecting me, VERY badly. i want to give up, i cant fight against it anymore, it doesnt help.

there're so many things i need to address, that i reeally dont know where to even start. the thoughts of them just makes me want to break down. its stupid. its really stupid.

- i dont know what you're driving at nowadays. its like you're talking about things i dont understand anymore. or maybe, its just me being sensitive. overly sensitive. its like, i dont want to lose you. im afraid i would, because, truthfully, you're the only one i trust back then.i dont know what is it that i done, or what is it others have done, but im scared im losing you, losing you to all the ups and downs of life, for i dont know what you're talking about anymore. to that, i can only say, sorry. i didn mean for it to turn out this way.

- and yes, to you. i agree. fuck life man. seriously. fuck life. some call it teenage angst, i prefer to think that im screwed. maybe all along the game didn not happen between us, we were probably on the same side. just that we saw different things, and probably an internal battle occured. the winner, did not actually win, as a matter of fact, lost badly such that he did not even know why he lost. you could say it was unfair to him, because had it been a fair game where everyone played fair, he would have lost honourably. i did it once, but i already told you the reason why i did it, and if you still hold it against me, stay away from me. im sorry to you too though, and i already said so quite a few times.

why is it so hard for all to sit around and talk, such that there would not be miscommunications here and there and cause so much shit around. this is ridiculous. can we just drop this topic once and for all. i dont know , ir eally dont know.

- lastly, you.
the talk that day was good, at least it tells me where it would be heading. but actually, we still got alot to talk about, to consider about and to think about. we would have to face it somehow, although i can say, this matter is the one giving me most headaches. i feel terrible just thinking of it because there is so much to say. it is important to know how you feel, ahh i dont know. just talking about it makes me worried. so its better if i dont think about it anymore for now. i think time will tell. for now, its just heart wrenchingly painful for me, history's reapeating itself, again. i dont want to face it or think about it anymore! =(

i know im not a fighter anymore. maybe i was never one. soccer's not like last time anymore. tournament is coming, yet i dont feel anything much. have i lost it. i hope not.
where's the passion?

at this point of time, im just too lazy to say anything. i shall end here.
takecare all..

posted by KIMKEAT @ 7:40 AM